When it comes to being out in public many Black women always feel the need to be “put together.” This can me many various things. Personally, I have come to develop the phrase “ten different kinds of crazy.” This is what I use to describe how I feel when I am not “put together.” For example, a friend may ask, “Hey do you want to go out to a show, we have to leave right now?” To which I would quickly reply, “I can’t go right now! I look ten different kinds of crazy!”
Many men, and even women may interpret this as a superficial concern birthed out of a purely narcissistic focus. But it is much deeper than that. We have two strikes against us. 1) We are Black. 2) We are women. We face a vulnerability because we are women and often not in complete control and we are either discriminated against or exoticized because of our race. Many Black women like us feel that if anyone outside of our own race sees one hair out of place, one nail chip, one error in manners, or wearing clothes that are out of style it could ruin our chances at a job, being asked out on a date, or being chosen for an apartment. If we are not “put together” we may feel more worried about being followed around in expensive stores and getting targeted for a lot other forms of racial profiling.
Moreover, being put together does not just refer to our appearance. As Black women we learn at a young age that our mistakes can cost us much more than other people. Because Black women are judged against two standards (the black standard and the gender standard) we often face harsher penalties for our mistakes. That is why Black women like us are TERRIFIED of making mistakes…in anything. Once again, we must refer to the movie “Something New” in which the lead character has some very poignant moments facing this sort of situation. In one scene a client of hers askes to have his case handeled by someone else because he assumes she is just a secretary. But instead of reaming him (like I wish she would have) she takes it in and stays “put together”. Ultimately, she is vindicated by her boss. However I can think of many movies in which the same scenario happened to a white woman and she felt very free to make a snide reply to him in revenge.
Because most people don’t understand this fact of our lives, they often down play our feelings about not being put together. If you want to keep your black women friends…DO NOT do this. Saying that “it’s not a big deal” only convinces us of how far we are in being understood by the rest of the world. It’s isolating. Embrace this fact about Black women. Give us time to get put together. Tell us that we’re beautiful when we’re not put together. And remind us that we are human. And to err is human.
Here’s to the black woman who always seems put together: IMAN!
The older I get–and I know I’m still young–the more I stop caring about being put together; however, I can still relate to this discussion. Weird as this may sound, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone in feeling like I have to walk on eggshells in general on the daily in other environments.
I just have to say, also, that this photograph of Iman is amazing. Her deepset eyes are just beautiful! And her skin, though possibly airbrushed, is fabulous. lol