So we are here to bust your little bubble, having black friends doesn’t mean a thing! Just because you have a black friend to your name or are seen out with one doesn’t mean that you know everything there is to know about black people and their experience. Additionally, if you do have a black friend, you don’t have to make it a point to tell other black people that your particular friend “is so awesome” or “so cool” or “the best person you know.” We don’t need the extra explanation. Who cares if your black friend is a jerk! The point is, we notice that a lot of non-Black people, mostly white, like to make a point of having a black friend because they want to feel better about God knows what, but the truth is, black people don’t care if you have a black friend! They don’t even care if you love Barack Obama and cry over his speeches, see Tiger Woods as your idol, or your kids wear every black athlete’s jersey. What they do care about is your authenticity with them and with yourself. The truth may be that you have no idea how to relate to black people, maybe you don’t want to, maybe you are dying to know more, you are super comfortable with your own friend group, etc. Who knows, but you don’t have to “act” like you are in love with this people group or know everything about the group just so you can feel better about yourself and supposedly be seen as a more open minded person. Black people do not need white people to feel better about them and to feel as though they “don’t have a problem” with them. Hell, we are human beings and you shouldn’t “have a problem” with anyone!
Now speaking specifically as women, you need to understand that not all black women are alike. They don’t talk the same way, think the same, do their hair the same way, or have the same taste in music. You can’t sum them all up by having one friend. One big no no is when you tell a black woman that “your friend Keisha uses oil in her hair, do you?” I’m sorry, it is not as simple as all human beings breathing air, all people are different! You may have said something like that before in hopes to connect with that person, but truthfully, you are outing yourself as an idiot and insulting the person you are talking to. And take a minute and think about it the other way around, do black women go around telling people “I love white people” or “my boss, neighbor, friend, grocery store clerk, etc. does this/that, do you?” Or “my office has 3 white people and I just adore them!” No, you don’t hear it!
What we would love to see is the pursuit of genuine friendship, a concern for racial reconciliation across the board, and a true interest in who we are, not just because we are “so cool” or you want to feel better about your un-tapped guilt. For more of an idea of what we are talking about, see entry #1 on Liking Down White Boys, we love all down non-black people!
Charlie Sheen has recently driven this point home for us.
Click the link above to read an article which proves that having black friends (or best friends for that matter) does not neccessarily make you more enlightened, cool or less of an idiot.
“And take a minute and think about it the other way around, do black women go around telling people “I love white people” or “my boss, neighbor, friend, grocery store clerk, etc. does this/that, do you?” Or “my office has 3 white people and I just adore them!” No, you don’t hear it!”
Genius! Thanks for this blog, once again.
There you go! Educate! (smile).
I’m a Black woman who, back in the day attended a predominately White high school One year, the lone Black football player on the team was the victim of what he considered a prank and I considered a hate crime. On Halloween some of his “friends” burned a cross in his front yard. He actually laughed it off. I always felt bad for him. But you know, some folks really get off on being that “token” friend.
I do like how Sheen made a point of noting that the “friend” he was apologizing to was “an African-American”. Not only is his choice of wording rude, offensive, and hate-filled, but his apology seems to be a try at, “Hey, look, I’m not REALLY a racist, because I’m apologizing to my BLACK friend, who I let be my best man at TWO of my weddings”.
I don’t see him saying, “I’m sorry to my mother, because I used a disgusting vulgar word for a woman against my ex wife, and I let me just point out that my mother is a woman”.
I don’t think that the one is necessarily as far over the line as the other, but it goes to motivation.
“Black people do not need white people to feel better about them and to feel as though they “don’t have a problem” with them. Hell, we are human beings and you shouldn’t “have a problem” with anyone!”
THANK YOU for this article. I am a white woman, trying to get this point across to those around me on a daily basis. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
Oh, and “I have black friends” was actually my and my friends code for “ignorant white idiot” for a long time.
I hate when people showcase their friends like that, makes you wonder why they are friends, for what reasons, ya kno… If I don’t have any black friends, oh well… I’m not going to try to get one just to make myself seem more open minded, it’s even contradictiong. if you are concentrating on their race, then you are not as open minded as you think you are. I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m racist (yes, I knew a white girl who thought I didn’t like black people because I said I hated hip-hop and rap), becuase I know I’m not, and I’m confertible about myself and what I like or don’t like. If someone dosn’t like me, oh well. I know I’m not black, I am a minority and can relate to most of what your saying, and what I’ve heard/seen.